Friday, April 20, 2012

Ouch, Explained


***SHOCKING NEW DEVELOPMENT!!! PLEASE SEE BELOW***

First, an update:  Notwithstanding the fact that I winced myself awake every time I moved, I nonetheless managed a decent night's sleep. The human body, and the mind that drives it, are both wonderfully adaptive:  I've learned the trick of sitting down and standing up mostly without pain, which is accomplished by putting as much weight as I can on my left leg and having that side of my body do the heavy lifting.  Also lifting my right arm is a little easier today. If I forget and, for example, scratch my eye with my right hand, instead of experiencing pain like I've been kicked in the ribs it's now a lesser, somewhat duller pain.  Put it another way: instead of it being a symphony of pain, it's, say, a three-person kazoo band of pain.

Also I've included some pictures to show you the theater of war, as it were:

An overview of the journey.  I opened the door...





Fell down these stairs...


 somehow twisted my body leftward, while my momentum took me right...


...and down these stairs, head first and on my back.
***UPDATE: I suspect I've got the trajectory of the fall wrong.  I remember now that at one point I came in contact with grass - remember I had no shirt on so that's something I'd feel - so I think the way it happened was more like this:


...making it all the more incredible that I didn't konk myself on the head.  I definitely remember sort of flying through the air for a tiny second, which this would explain too.  Oh, you should know that the cans aren't where they were, they got scattered pretty good by a half-naked fat man falling all over them.

12 comments:

  1. You may have tripped over that black wire that is laid down in the shape of an arrow.

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  2. instead of it being a symphony of pain, it's, say, a three-person kazoo band of pain.

    LOL

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  3. The pictures make your falls even more impressive than your description. Head first and backwards down a flight of stone steps sounds particularly risky.

    Get thee to a doctor, please!

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  4. LOL@Duggle. I swear I was going to post the same thing, albeit less eloquently.

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  5. The suburbanite in me can't see anything in your picture except dandelions. I've apparently been assimilated by the collective in my neighborhood.

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  6. I take that back. The suburbanite in me saw the dandelions. The fat man in me noticed the really kick ass grill.

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  7. I'm going to ask that you dope yourself up on the pain meds pretty well - and let Tootsie hold a camera.

    I'd like you to try to recreate the incident because, honestly, I'm tired of reading about it and really would love to see it!

    You can choose the amount of clothes you wear for your second trip!

    Thank you in advance!!!

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  8. I'd like to reserve two front row tickets for your next "Chevy Chase" moment.

    Will cameras be allowed?

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  9. Please post a webcam outside your door or along any other stairs you are planning to traverse (in your own unique way). Sorry Gary, rest up and take it very slow for a while.

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  10. Funniest shiat ever! I told Evan about your accident (lol) and with an evil twinkle in his eye he said "Gary has a new nickname. StairMaster!"

    That's gold Jerry! Gold!

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