Friday, December 17, 2010

A Cleaning of the Craniattic

  • That commercial, where everyone is sitting around in a body cast except for the lazy teenager?  The sentence the lady says is "Djinn are for slaying monsters."  Knowing that does not make it any less of a dumbass commercial.
  • Video games and corn sugar have contributed to an entire generation of fat people.  Whatever happened to the old days, when  people - like me - got fat on Beefaroni and Cocoa Puffs?
  • There is nothing worse than being in love with someone who does not love you - except maybe for someone who used to love you but who now would rather play hopscotch on broken glass than look at you.
  • I love Dickens' A Christmas Carol, but not as much as I love Dr. Who.  Now they're combining the two, to be aired on Christmas Day.  I swear to God I'm going to lose my shit.
  • Poker players tend to forget just how much complexity is involved with being a competent player.  To remember, just explain to someone who doesn't know how to play, just how many factors are involved in answering the question "which hands should I play?"
  • The Sims?  I don't get it.
  • For my non-American friends, here's a primer on American politics:  Republicans are angry, spiteful douchebags with terrible ideas. Democrats are incompetent, weak-willed douchebags with no ideas whatsoever.  Common denominator: Douchebaggery.
  • Tron was the stupidest fucking move EVER the first time it came out.  Whoever thought it was a good idea to remake it should be beaten to within an inch of his life.
  • A few cars I've owned have had heated seats.  I don't like them; there's always that lunatic moment when I don't remember about the heated seats and think I've pissed myself.
  • Never doubt the power of people to disappoint you.  Don't mean to sound pessimistic, but people are always smaller than you think they are.  Know it and you'll be protected from the worst of it.
  • The early money this year is on the Red Sox to win in all.  God damn right.  Yankee fans:  suck my left testicle, you frontrunner scumbags.

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