Sunday, June 8, 2014

Conversations With Rusty

So I set up a new site, It will have a new conversation every Tuesday and Friday.  I also have a page on the Eff Bee,, which is written in Rusty's voice. If you enjoy these little exercises in stupidity, please feel free to like, share, comment, whatever it is you kids do these days.

As a thank you in advance, here's a super long-term sneak preview of a conversation. It's not due to be released until the 17th of June. Please to enjoy.

ME: Mmmmm.
RUSTY: Wake up.
ME: Mmmm. Sleepin.
RUSTY: I know you're sleeping. Wake up.
ME: Gettoffame Rusty...
RUSTY (pawing STUPID HUMAN's face): Rise and shii-iine...
ME (fully awake): Jesus Christ Rusty! What? What is it?
RUSTY: I'm bored.
ME: I will rip off your lower jaw and wear it like a necklace.
RUSTY: I will slice your chest in a Y shape and make people think you've already had an autopsy.
ME: I will staple a piece of tuna to your forehead and watch you try to get it for hours.
RUSTY: I will lick the same spot on your body until I reach bone.
ME: I will send you back to the shelter.
RUSTY: Wow. Not cool, man.
ME: You were ok with me ripping off your lower jaw but sending you to the shelter is over the line?
RUSTY: Take it back.
ME: Don't be ridic...
ME: OK, OK, I take it back.
RUSTY: Good.
ME: I'm going back to bed now.
RUSTY: You lazy bastard.
ME: You sleep 20 hours a day!
RUSTY: I'm a growing cat.
ME: Your stomach is growing towards the floor, that's true enough...
RUSTY: You calling me fat?
ME: No, I'm just...yes. I'm calling you fat.
RUSTY: That's like calling the black kettle fat.
ME: Gonna want to work on that one.
RUSTY: Why, did I get it wrong?
ME: I'm going back to bed now. If you're still bored, you can take a nap with me.
RUSTY: A nap, eh? Not the worst idea you've ever had. Certainly better than The Kerchief Incident.
ME: I thought you looked good.
RUSTY: I looked like a cowboy with fur.
ME: Wouldn't that be "cowcat?"
RUSTY (lying down): Keep it down, will you? I'm trying to sleep here.
ME: Moo...moooooooo...I'm a cowkitty...mooooo....
RUSTY (drowsily): Very funny...
ME: I'm totally bringing back the kerchief.
RUSTY: zzzzzz.....
ME: Night, cowkitty.