Sunday, June 10, 2012

The Sign Said "Gone Fishin'..."

Sorry, no History Friday this weekend, had to get all my poop in a group for the big cruise departure.  As I sit here it's almost 2AM Sunday, so we'll be leaving for Ma's house in about 9 hours, so we can be FIVE HOURS EARLY just in case we needed to, I dunno, grow some aloe in case we burn ourselves on board or some goddamn thing or other.

Ma wants to suck up every single experience, what with this being one of her bucket list things, so I figure that it would be better if she got on board as early as she can, so I'm not going to begrudge that.  I got her convinced (with the help of the guy giving us a ride to the port) that since it's such a tight squeeze into the pier that they have a bunch of rowers who hand-row the vessel into and out of its berth! Oh the fun we'll have.

Well it's getting late, cats and kittens: it's time to shut down Radio Free Crafty for a while. Should be back in time for next week's HF. Wish me luck at my twin goals of winning enough money to book next year's cruise and not killing my mother. If there's any news regarding a cruise ship gone to the briny deep, just make sure it's not the Carnival Glory. And if it is, keep your mitts off my fucking stuff. I have a will.

Stay well one and all,

PS the final chapter of my quest to obtain the proper paperwork to legally purchase a handgun in Rhode Island has been written, but that would be like talking about dessert and not mentioning the entrée.  I'll tell you all about it when we get back.


  1. Have a wonderful safe time. Did you ever say if she made up with her friend? Is it the three of you?

  2. Why thank you, Carmel. Is your middle name really Josephine, btw? That's some karma right there!

    And no, my mom and her ex-friend have yet to make up. Sue is WAY too stubborn to do anything like apologizing, let alone really think she had something to apologize for.

    BTW, Sue Jacobs Passive-Aggressive Gross Exaggeration of the Week: We saw her on her birthday, June 2nd. We brought an armful of Chinese food over and had her feast. A few days later she calls to thank us and we had this conversation:

    MOM: It was good seeing you. And wow, I hadn't seen Vicki in a year.
    ME: Hasn't been a year, Ma.
    MOM: IF IT'S BEEN A DAY. It was Piper's last birthday party.
    ME: Not true, and even if it was then, that was less than a year ago.
    MOM: You always accuse me of exxagerating, but not this time.
    ME: Passover, Mom. April. You saw Vicki a little less than two months ago.
    MOM (stunned into silence): You and Vicki weren't there...
    ME: It's MY MEMORY, Ma. We were there. We talked about Uncle Alan's stint in the military.
    MOM (still stunned) I remember the conversation, but you weren't there...
    ME: CRAZY LADY! Snap out of it! Do I need to call over there? We had pudding with skin on it for dessert. For Chrissake, Ma...
    MOM: Say, it's gonna be nice tomorrow...


    Anyway, there you go, thanks for asking about Ma. You're a nice person.

    1. Even if you weren't there at Passover, Ma saw Vicki at the Kowloon in January. Six months.

  3. Replies
    1. Thanks man - I'll make sure to document the noteworthy hands.

    2. I could hardly stop laughing long enough to comment! Ma is a funny lady, crazy but funny. My Dad named me after himself and his sister. Personally I dislike my name. To much of a conversation starter but then again I am an attention seeker :)

    3. Win enough money to come to Las Vegas. Sans the Mom but bring Toots!

    4. Carmel, re: funny, yes, she's funny but that's because I'm being HIGHLY selective as to which stories I'll tell. Re: your name, IMO there's absolutely ZERO to not like, I think both sides of your name show individuality and class. But that may be because it's 6:00 in the morning here and I've been up for 35 straight hours...

    5. Oh and yes, any trip to Vegas would be without Ma. No question. She'd probably ask me the same questions she asked me about the cruise: Will I need Euros? Do I need electricity converters? Do I need a visa? What's the absolute best way to drive my handsome son Gary completely bonkers? Etc.

  4. Replies
    1. Thank you Angel...sorry you're awake at this ungodly hour (ungodly for normal people who aren't ugly Jewish insomniacs, that is).

    2. Don't sell yourself short,you're not ugly! I have been up six 6 am. I'm so wired right now. Our rave was canceled :( Trying to find other trouble to get into.

  5. Have a great time. And I apologize, if necessary, for the "homage" I paid to you on my my recent blog post.