Monday, November 29, 2010

To the proud owner of my new navigator

Dear Sir or Madam: Thank you, you motherfucker, for breaking into my car, in front of my house, 40 feet from where my wife was sitting, and stealing my GPS navigator, for which I paid real money.

I hope you come back for more. Ohhhh, you have no idea how much I hope you come back for more. Because I am armed, you sorry son of a bitch, and in Rhode Island the law is on my side. A .22 bullet most likely won't kill you, unless I'm extraordinarily lucky, but three of them in your thigh and knee will give you an ouchy from which you will find it difficult to recover before the authorities come.

Like Terry Benedict said in Ocean's Eleven, run and hide, little man, run and hide. If I find my navigator on Craigslist or eBay I'm going to be so disappointed to give the cops first crack at your cowardly ass.

If I get to meet you in person, you better have backup. Think I'm posturing? Think I'm just talking out of my ass? Try me. Please, I'm begging you, try me.

Until next time, please remember that I'll be watching. Bet your ass on that.

9 comments:

  1. Sorry to hear about GPS. Around here you can't even leave the mounting unit in sight or the break in to the car looking for one. Hope you get the sob

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  2. Awww Navi's gone? Sorry dude. But um, you're ARMED? Jeez, better not piss you off.

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  3. @ Josie

    you worried about him and his .22? Hell you piss me off all the time and I carry a 9mm and have a concealed carry.

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  4. I'll bet the guy who grabbed it was German ...

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  5. This was really interesting. I loved reading it

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  6. In all seriousness, this really sucks -- not just not having the GPS, but the sense of violation you feel when someone grabs something of yours.

    Maybe Josie can win you one in Las Vegas ...

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  7. LOL @ Lightning - yeah, the guy must've been German.....and I think Mr. Anonymous might be him!

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  8. А! Me gusta el diseño gráfico y la navegación del sitio, agradable a la vista y buen contenido. otros sitios son demasiado llena de suma

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  9. That last post, in poorly-translated Spanish, says "А! I like the graphical design and navigation of the site, pleasant at sight and good content. other sites are too full of sum"

    It looks like some kind of spam but it isn't selling anything so thanks, Anonymous! Appreciate the comment.

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