Friday, January 10, 2014

Wherein Your Humble Servant Addresses "The Mystery of the Cold Hands"

Jesus Gary! What the hell is WRONG with you? You own six pairs of good winter gloves and you've lost every one of them! Why can you not hold on to a pair of gloves from one winter to the next?

This is not rocket science: WHEN YOU TAKE OFF YOUR GLOVES, PUT THEM IN THE POCKETS OF THE JACKET YOU'RE WEARING! You are 45 years old. Why is it that 6-year-olds have mastered this skill and you have not?

And it's not like this is new behavior for you.  When you were a kid your mother had to tie a piece of yarn to your gloves and thread them through the sleeves of your Mighty Mac. Even then you lost them with regularity! I swear to God, you'd lose your pecker if it weren't attached to you!

Find your gloves. Keep them in your pockets. Because the next time we have to have this conversation, I'll slap you. With a VERY cold hand.

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