I'll take "Incredibly Inappropriate Overreaction for $2000, Please."

So I thought I'd follow in the footsteps of every luckbox sonofabitch who entered and won a supersatellite, then won the satellite for entry to the big dance, then won or cashed huge, to turn 50 full-tilt points into eighteen grand and a sponsorship deal.  I've been entering step 0 tourneys, the prize for which is a step 1 ticket, then parlaying that into step 2 tickets, etc.  My eventual hope is to cash big while risking no more than a buck. So far I've been collecting step 2 tickets as I muster up thr courage to use them.

Anyway, I decided to splurge and spend $3 (I was out of step 1'ers) on a six-person 1 table, the wages of winning is yet another step 2 ticket.  So I'm doing my thing, trying as best I can to pick my spots, find the opportunities for stealing, etc.  One such had I'm dealt JQ in position and I decide to raise.  I get called.  The flop comes A-A-J.  Now I'm either way out in front or I'm crushed.  I decide to bet out to see where I am.  My bet was probably bigger than it should have been, but either way, my opponent raises me big and I fold, which was the only thing to do.

Out of the clear blue sky the dude to my right, who was not in the hand, starts in on me.

other guy:  god your an idiot - why didnt u call
me:  what's it to you?
other guy: such a fuc' ing joke
me:  dude, it's a $3 game, why don't you just relax
other guy:  whats $3 got to do with it
me:  none of us are Doyle Brunson, that's why we're swimming in the shallow end.  Besides, you weren't even in the hand, so why don't you STFU
other guy: such an idiot

bottom line, it came down to heads up between mr. happy-pants and me. He sucks out on me with a miracle flush on the river.  He sucks out on me with a three-outer to almost tie the score.  All the while I'm saying precisely NOTHING. It's part of poker and I would never call someone an idiot, especially when they're playing poorly.  Why on earth would I want to clue someone in to the fact that they're playing poorly?  Besides which, it was all good as I got all my chips back within 10 hands.

Anyway, the last hand of the game came on my button (gross). He min-raised, which I took to mean he had a decent hand but not a great one. I had 79o, but it was only 240 to call and I had a 7000-2000 lead on him.  Call.

The flop came 599.  I had flopped a set.  Like an (let's all say it together) idiot, he bets 560.  I re-raise, he shoves, I call.  He turns over A8.  Before the turn he says

other guy: what a joke

He was drawing dead to running aces.  I took the opportunity to administer the needle just a little bit:

me:  yes, quite a joke, getting you to move in drawing dead.  One wonders who the idiot is now
me:  well nighty night big talker

Mmm-mmm! There is nothing tastier than an asshole getting his comeuppance.  Tastes like chocolate-flavored pussy. I could eat it and eat it until that membrane under my tongue rips and causes me three days of not-easily-explainable pain.

Seriously, how pathetic is it getting all bent out of shape at a $3 table?  What a tool.  And guess what?  CANADIAN.

So until next time, please remember not to fucking cross me if there's less than five bucks on the line.