So Waffles, expert practitioner of the masturbatory arts and Josie stalker extraordinaire, told a tale of the "craziest thing [he's] ever done" on his blog today. Well, Eggo Boy, at the risk of string-raising your ass, I'll see your spank-cam, and raise you - well, I'm guessing this story will raise you, and let's leave it at that.
I don't remember exactly when it was but it goes without saying that it was many, many moons ago, when the world was younger and so was I. I was knocking about with a girl who really dug me and whom I really dug. Yes, she was whip-smart, and funny in a witty way, but also she had no gag reflex and she could unhinge her jaw. One evening she had the house to herself and she and I concocted a little role-playing scenario. Here's how it went down:
I entered her house without knocking, she having left the back door unlocked. Without a word I walked right up to her and started removing her clothes. Within a few minutes we were going at it hot and heavy, still not having spoken a word to each other. She took me in her mouth (to this day, the top 20 best blowjobs I've ever gotten have all come from her) until I was just about ready. I came in her hair, all to the right of the part, and wiped my dick clean with the hair on the other side of her head. I have to say, it was fucking awesome. The scenario we concocted then had me zipping up, wiping the sweat off my upper lip, and leaving without a word, as silently as I came in - but I couldn't resist telling her "call me!" like a little pussy-boy as I left the house. What can I say? Role playing is one thing, but I loved
Another time, where once again we were together and alone, she ended things by taking the, er, results of our lovemaking in her mouth, taking my hand, putting it palm-up, depositing said results into my hand, and looking me right in the eye, licking it back up into her mouth and swallowing it. I almost shot one onto her leg right then.
So there you go: two of the craziest things we'd ever done.
But listen, this is important: The girl who did this, did this not out of any sense of obligation, or because she was some insatiable satyress who just couldn't get enough. We had unbelievable chemistry; we couldn't keep our eyes or hands off each other. And we loved each other, but it just didn't work out.
I would have married that girl, were it not for the slight complication that she had no desire to go the distance with me. She wanted to keep it lighter than I did, and rather than just rolling with that and enjoying each other I proposed to her every day for a summer. I did not let her constant denials (usually by saying things like "don't be ridiculous") stop me. It was a miscalculation that cost me the relationship.
But for a time - a short but magical time - I had it really, really good, both emotionally and nookie-wise. I have to say: as long ago as it was, it seems even longer ago. It seems like a million years ago, though thankfully the memories remain evergreen.
I miss her, and I miss what we had.