Sunday, June 24, 2012

While Everyone's Having Fun in Vegas, We Who Stay Behind Have to Talk About Something

First of all, my level of frustration at Blogger is almost as high as my level of frustration at Paypal (got scammed, no recourse, I look to be out 600 squeeds). I had a History Friday post, a long one, about half done, only to find that it somehow ate about 800 words, leaving me with maybe the middle 30% of what I wrote. So thanks to Blogger you guys missed a post about baseball forfeits. Eh, maybe later. So we're gonna do one of those "cleaning out the craniattic" posts and I'm telling you right now, it's gonna suck.

So let's see, let's see, what shall we discuss...well, that scumbag Sandusky was convicted of being icky to kids.  Too bad this isn't colonial Maine.  Know what they did there?  They gave you a shovel at dawn and gave you until dusk to dig a hole.  However big you dug it, that was your home for the duration of your sentence. Better hope you contrived some way to stay dry. And certainly Sandusky deserves no better.

I hope you don't take this the wrong way but I think there are degrees of what today is called child molestation.  A guy like Sandusky, a creepy old dude who preyed on children, is a flat-out child molester. He deserves all the "extra attention" he's gonna get in the hoosegow.  But lookit: my first sexual relationship was in high school, when I tagged a very annoying Greek girl who nonetheless gave it up like a champ with regularity. When we met, I was 15 and she was 17.  But you know what?  She turned 18 and for a few more months I was still 15.  According to the legislative nuances of statutory rape, she committed a felony every time she took her mustachioed mouth and did what she did best - and I ain't talking about whistling. Was anyone being taken advantage of?  Only when she asked me to get a wet paper towel and help with the cleaning up. And despite being deeply, DEEPLY annoying, she didn't deserve any time in the clink for making a man of Sue Jacobs' boy. But these days, a DA with an axe to grind could've made both our lives pretty miserable.

In other news...

There's this chick flick out there, it's called 500 Days of Summer.  Didn't watch it because I have zero tolerance for that kind of cinematic excretion. However, Tootsie, who is a sucker for this kind of nonsense, was watching it semi-recently. And as I was passing through upstairs I saw that there was this one sequence where Our Hero, Joseph Gordon Leavitt, walks to work after bedding his dream girl for the first time, to the lilting strains of Hall and Oates' You Make My Dreams Come True. I bring this up because I think the scene pretty well encapsulates what a man thinks and feels when he's found himself in a relationship with the great love of his life. Also I think it's directed quite well; a number of long takes, which I always respect, and everyone on the street is kind of color-coordinated, which is a plus.  It's a two minute segment - give it a watch:



Depending on your browser I think you might have to click the youtube link and then come back.  It's OK.  I'll wait.

In other other news...some quick hits:

I find myself jealous of everyone who's currently out in Vegas whooping it up and having a grand old time. I wish I were there, or at least I did until I called Josie to wish her godspeed and a safe trip (only to find that she'd already got there!) and she told me it was over 100 degrees.  No friggin thanks.  Here's the important equation: fat man + unbearable heat = Jew Jerky.

My brother and his family are about two hours away, they're coming over for some laughs and bologna sandwiches.  My niece Piper will be there, who just LOVES her Uncle Gary and Auntie Tootsie. She's by far the most beautiful thing that the Jacobs family has ever created; I'm still astounded at how that could have happened.  Like her parents she's whip-smart; unlike them she's a joy to be around, ha ha ha. Looking forward to some conflict-free family time. Here's her first picture and some background to her rocky debut.  The first comment is me; is anyone surprised?

When I see Piper I always feel a tinge of emotion at my Dad's loss, because he knew she was coming but never quite got to meet her.  Ross wrote about his passing far more eloquently than I ever could. It still brings a lump to my throat.

I don't want to end this post on a downer so I'll drop in a quick joke: Guy walks into a podiatrist's office.  Says "Doc, you gotta help me, I think I'm a moth."  Doc says "But..but...I'm a podiatrist; why did you come to me?" Guy says, "well, your light was on."

Wokka wokka, and by the way, wokka.



13 comments:

  1. she told me it was over 100 degrees.

    But it's DRY heat, lol.

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    1. One day earlier this week there was 30% humidity. For us natives that almost unbearable. For us lucky natives with air conditioned cars and cushy office jobs, walking to and fro the car is annoying.

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  2. Item one, do what I do, write your post in a word processor then copy andpate to your blog. Yea, I know they tell you not to but the only problem I ever had was the spacing between paragraphs, the blog throws an extra line in, so it's either no lines between in Word or deleting lines in the blog to remedy the situation. Either that or switch to WordPress, it saves drafts as you type along.

    item two, it's Vegas, who cares about the heat. The casinos are air conditioned aren't they?

    Finally, you were rolling along pretty good there, telling us about a baseball post you were working on and how you got it from an older woman when you were young and then you go and blow it by showing us you know about chick flics by describing that scene from one. Not only describing it but actually looking up a trailer and posting it! Let me ask you something. You're still squatting to take a piss aren't you?

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    1. >> You're still squatting to take a piss aren't you?

      Well, yes. My Doctor told me not to lift anything heavy.

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  3. I will say being a dry heat does make a difference however once it hits triple digits, hot is hot. Still the hottest I ever remember feeling was once in Texas when it was 95 with about 90% humidity and the other was in Orlando at Disney World when it was about the same. That is the absolute worst.

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    1. Aye. Florida = Guatemalan jungle.

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    2. Now that I think of it I found myself in New Orleans some years back, and I remember vividly leaving the airport and being hit by this wave of heat and humidity the likes of which I'd never experienced before. I had to duck back into the airport and collect myself, steeling myself for the 25 step journey from the airport door to the taxi stand.

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    3. Most of my extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins and the like) live in Mississippi and Louisiana. When I was younger we would often visit there in the summertime and the heat and humidity is unbelievable. I remember being there around Independence Day and helping to carry the luggage about the same 25 paces from the air-conditioned car to the air-conditioned hotel and being completely drenched in sweat.

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    4. A few years ago Grrouchie and I were in Texas, god awful heat and humidity.

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  4. And who goes outside in Vegas? I go from my room to the poker room or from my room to the cab to some other poker room...oh and throw a restaurant or buffet or three in there.

    I wish that the real child molesters like good old Uncle Jerry could be punished by having their balls flattened with a ball peen hammer. Not all at once in one big strike. No, no, no...tiny little taps until they're flat like pancakes. Tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink.....

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    Replies
    1. I'm reminded of a line in the movie Payback. "I'll give you a transfusion to keep you alive, just to torture you some more."

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  5. That clip is so cute I couldn't finish it. I hate romantic love and anything to do with it.

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    1. Don't say that, Carmel. The love is worth the pain. And I've known great, soaring love - love like the guy in the clip - and deep, incurable pain. Same woman. And she knocked my dick in the dirt and said goodbye to me and left me alone and cold.

      And it was all worth it, every second of it. The love is worth the pain. Please, Carmel, don't let your instincts for self-protection stop you from experiencing that. Just think about it, ok?

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