...for they will have their way, despite your or anyone's best efforts.
Today I spent the day with Josie and Cranky playing poker and laughing my ass off. I hadn't enjoyed myself this much in literally years. My stomach hurts from laughing - my cheeks too. And on top of that I turned $200 into $600 in seven hours, which is actually about what I made in a day at my high-stress phony baloney corporate joyboy job that almost gave me an ulcer before I finally quit. I drove Josie home and we spent yet another couple of hours laughing and recapping the evening's high and low points. I drove home happy, tired, and with deep pockets.
And when I got home, I went downstairs to find that Pearl was lying in the exact same spot she was in when I left her, her breathing labored and shallow. I picked her up and her head lolled back - she was apparently completely paralyzed. Tootsie took her in her arms to comfort her, and whether she was just waiting for me to get home, or the act of picking her up loosed something like a clot, within two minutes she was gone.
The last day of her life, I was off whooping it up at Foxwoods, lollygagging over dinner, and taking a route that was two full hours out of my way, partly because Josie needed a ride but mostly because I really didn't want the day to end. I was having a great time. And Pearl spent the day paralyzed, scared, and hungry, all day and night.
Most of you know that I don't believe in, well, anything, but it's difficult right now to think that the world doesn't somehow punish you if you dare to enjoy life too much.
Maybe I'll feel differently tomorrow. I certainly hope I do. But right now I wish I didn't feel anything.
I'll leave Jo and Cranky to write up the day, if that's ok with you all. It really was fun, but I'm having a tough time remembering that.
I feel like I should say something to this post, but it seems anything I could say would be inadequate. I'll just say I'm sorry.
ReplyDeleteThank you JT. You're very kind.
DeleteSo sorry to hear about Pearl. Please try not to beat yourself up for the timing; it was just bad luck. Nothing more, nothing less. You couldn't have known it was going to happen that way and the fun you had with Cranky and VJ was real. Please remember all the good times with Pearl and not the last day.
ReplyDeleteGary - Garrrrr! How sad for you that Pearl died so much sooner than hoped or expected. I know you feel guilty that you were off having fun when Pearl was in extremis. I can't say I wouldn't feel the same under the circumstances. Just know that you gave Pearl great love and care during the time you had her.
ReplyDeleteTake care of yourself.
I am so so sorry. :(
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear the news, Gary. Take care, bro.
ReplyDeleteThanks guys. These things happen. It's the price you pay for having a pet, and what are you gonna do, NOT have one? I'm ok today. I just wish the end game shook down maybe a little different, that's all.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear about Pearl. Pets become such a big part of our lives. Losing them leaves quite an empty space. Here's hoping that space is filled with nothing but fond memories of Pearl's "catattiude."
ReplyDeleteDuck, thanks. And yes, if Pearl had one thing in overabundance, it was cattitude! It's gonna be an interesting month or so while the new cat hierarchy establishes itself. I hope I'm on the top when it's all said and done!
DeleteI am sorry that Pearl died. She sounds like she was an awesome cat and I am sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteI think we kind of punish ourselves for having a good time.. not the world or Karma.. somehow we think we do not deserve to have a good time and then use times like this to prove it.
Thanks man. And yes, that thought, that I was being in a way punished for enjoying myself, was all that I could think of right when Pearl died. But that's a bad road to go down, and nothing real good comes of it, so in the name of self-preservation I changed my thinking. Thankfully.
DeleteAppreciate the kind words about Pearl. She was awesome.