Monday, July 9, 2012

Foxwoods, 8 July: Cranky in her Glory, Cash Game Purgatory, Tournament Horror Story

So Friday afternoon I get a call from Auntie Jo, inviting me to Foxwoods Saturday for a day of poker and fellowship.  In keeping with my new attitude of "be less of a miserable solitary bastard," I gladly took her up on the invite. I got there uneventfully and within 5 minutes got a seat right next to Jos and Cranky at table 22. Cranky was seat 8, Jos 9, and I was seat 10, right next to the dealer.

The first dealer dealt me absolutely nothing good, and as is my wont, I told the next dealer I was expecting better things from her.

The second dealer dealt me absolutely nothing good, and as is my wont, I told the next dealer I was expecting better things from her.

See the pattern?  To say I was card-dead doesn't begin to tell the tale. I didn't have anything worthy of making a move. When I was in position and conditions were right to steal, I'd get 7-2, 8-4, just absolute shite. It was a god damned miracle that I only lost about $40 of my buy-in over four hours of cash game play.

One thing that really got under my skin was when we were chatting amongst ourselves.  I mentioned blogging and Josie said something like, "Oh, you're not going to do another post about stupid guns?" At which point seat 6 says, "hey, nothing stupid about guns!" So we got to chatting and he mentioned that he just picked up an M4 rifle, which I thought was the Viet Nam era M4 until he told me it was like the one he shot in Afghanistan (lots and lots of repetition of names because for the military, M just means "model," which is why there are ten M1 rifles, an M1 tank, etc. etc.).  Since it's an automatic weapon I asked him if he had his Class 3 license and he said, "no, I don't ever buy my guns legally.  I don't want the government knowing I have any of these."

That turned me off right away.  I gave Jo an earful of this as we drove home, but there's nothing that pisses me off more than something like that.  The firearms black market is the REASON there are so many anti-gun laws, why those laws make sense. Lookit: the more important the thing, the more critical it is to follow the rules associated with it.  With poker, people have money on the table, in some cases their entire fortunes.  The rules of poker are so rigidly adhered to because there's so much at stake. The same with guns, because despite the rhetoric, guns DO kill people - especially black-market guns.  The black market of firearms is why the bodies pile up in the streets with no one left to mourn them. It is the fucking scourge of the country and if it didn't exist, legal gun owners wouldn't need to be hounded by an anti-gun lobby who all of a sudden would have nothing to do. But guys like this, who feed the fucking black-market, make the anti-gun lobby both powerful and relevant.  And it makes life more difficult for those of us who follow the rules.  I'm grateful that he served the country, don't get me wrong, but as a civilian he's just another fucking scumbag. And he doesn't deserve anyone's respect.

Anyway, back to poker...

As we were just about to wrap up and head to the grill in the poker room for a $9 cheeseburger (which, it must be said, my Angel Josephine paid for with points - thanks J-J-J-Josie!), Cranky earned her nickname for the first time in my experience.

She had J-J, and the board was really low, like 9 high with two diamonds. She might've bet out low, or maybe min-raised, or something, but the villiain, who had Axd, stayed in with his draw.  Alas, the A came on the river, he bet out, she called, and he turned over his pretty weak-ass rivered pair.

And Cranky flipped. Well, relatively speaking.  She didn't smash anything, or start screaming, or do anything that would have gotten her thrown out of the joint, she just got...cranky. But I had never seen her even come close to losing her temper.  For someone who named herself Cranky she's one of the most even-tempered cats on the planet. Just not right then.  She said she was leaving, and by God and sonny Jesus, she got up and left.  We found her near the cashier on the way to the grill, at which time the madness had passed, as it were, and was her normal convivial self.

So we have dinner, and Josie and I head upstairs to play a $110 deep-stack tournament. We part ways with the Crankster and register.  I requested to be at Jo's table and for a miracle they allowed that.

Josie started off running roughshod over the table, including me.  Around the fourth hand I raised it up with 99. It was folded to Jos, who raised it to like 1/3 of our stacks.  As I was contemplating shoving, thinking that she might be trying to run me down, I noticed that there was this warmth in my chest - then I realized that Josie had those Manson lamps of hers staring a hole right through me.  I thought, no way is this girl bluffing with that kind of strength on her face, so I folded, and sure enough, perhaps to be kind, she turned over KK, validating my decision.

However, two hands after that I was moved to another table.  But since I already had my blind in, I hesitated getting up, intending to ask the brush if I should play this hand since I was in it already. Before I could get the words out of my mouth he looks at me like this was my first time in a casino and says, "THAT means you get up and move to a different table."

Really?  Thanks, boss.  What would I do without you and your just delightful sense of humor, which others might find acerbic and shitty but which I find NO END of entertaining?

Anyway, I move, and limp along to the break, a few minutes before which I get moved to yet another table.  Alas, Josie comes up to me having been eliminated.  I don't remember the details; perhaps she can fill in.

Last hand before the next break, my luck changed for the better.  Jo and Cranky were sweating me when I looked down to find QQ.  I shove, being somewhat short, and get a nice triple up.  And after the break, my luck and my karma both held for some time.   I chipped way up and was kind of having my way.

Until, once again, I get an all-time fucking cooler.

As BB I held Q7.  One caller, no raisers, I knuckle the table.  Flop comes QQ2.  I play it cool, so does he, check check.  5 comes on the turn.  I check again, he bets out big, like 11K.  I put him all in; I have him covered but not by much.  I figure either he folds and I win a big pot or he calls and I win a fucking  monster.  To my great delight he calls.

With Q10. He had the other god damned Q and his 10 played. And I was left with maybe four BB's.  A few hands later I shove with 77 and lose.  GG Crafty.  Again.

Could I have gotten away from that hand? I don't think so.  I would never raise a stinker like Q7 with just one caller - the risk wouldn't be worth the reward. The villain had won a pot or two with second pair, and folded a few draws on the river; I had him pegged as a subpar player. I suppose I didn't have to check the flop but if I'd bet, he'd have raised and we'd have just been in one street earlier. You guys tell me: what could I have done to avoid this fate?

Anyway, I find Josie stealing the house's money at the blackjack table and we go home.  She was richer by dint of Dame 21, but I was both poorer and bitterer.

Sometimes I hate this game, I really do. But it was fun chatting with Cranky and Josie, at least, and that's not so awfully bad.  And Rob - you would have LOVED Josie's outfit. I had to whisper in her ear that she needed to adjust herself like three times.  In hindsight, I'm wondering why the fuck I did that.

27 comments:

  1. Let her adjust, but get a photo first.

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    1. That's a good way to get my camera (and three of my fingers) broken...

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  2. Cooler...plain and simple, can't get away from it, now quad eights, that's a different story. By the way, using wont twice early in the story is a definite hook, always reminds me of Cosell explaining it to Dandy Don on MNF....classic!

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    1. Dandy Don Meredith...man, that brings a fella back. And btw, at Foxwoods, if I have quad 8's I HOPE I lose b/c that's the minimum hand that is eligible for the bad beat jackpot!

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  3. Sounds like fun despite the poker results. You had 9-9 and Princess Run Goot had K-K? I am shocked ... shocked!

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    1. She didn't run THAT goot - she was oot pretty quick...besides, she bought me dinner and stuff; I ain't gonna bad-mouth anyone buys me a burger.

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    2. OMFG with that princess shiat Lightning!

      Gary, it was a grand time to be sure! Great write up, oh and I snapped a pic of the ole poker uniform. Imma post it if I have time - ugh I didnt realize how shitty my hair looked!

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    3. So at least we know someone can buy you off for an expensive burger now. Information filed away ...

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    4. Quite so Lightning. Every man has his price, as they say, and right then, she met mine. Which does not mean to say that an old greybeard's price is the same as a pretty girl's, he said pointedly.

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  4. "And Rob - you would have LOVED Josie's outfit. I had to whisper in her ear that she needed to adjust herself like three times. In hindsight, I'm wondering why the fuck I did that."

    That maybe true, but I doubt I'd get a bigger eyeful than she flashed me in that now infamous photo that was taken at the Mirage last month. I think if I ever saw more of Josie than that, I'd be obligated to marry her.

    Am I to understand (as is my wont) that they made you move even tho you had already posted a blind and didn't play the hand you had chips invested in? I've never seen such incompetence before. If it was my, they would have had to physically move me to the new table because I ain't budging until the hand is over or I fold.

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    1. Yeah you would have. And they took my blind off and put me at a table where I was the BB so I didn't lose anything. NHNF, as it turned out, but the real crime was being spoken to like I was the little slow boy in the back of the class.

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    2. Oh I misunderstood. moving the BB before he puts out the blind is the norm. Sounds like the guy who spoke to you that way needs a lesson in customer service.

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  5. Saying it is a cooler and nothing you could do about it is a weak ass excuse for being a poor player. I am not saying that is you but so many people say shit like that. I have folded quads before. So tell me again how your cooler was just unable to be gotten away from. BTW I am not ranting at you.. I just get sick of people using "oh it was a cooler" as a huge excuse not to improve their game.

    If you get to a really good level of play you can tell your beat by tells like you used on Josie, or for example if you bet the flop and he could not wait to get his chips in the middle... at that level it is usually not a bluff and with no other items on the board you have to credit him with a Q... and you have kicker problems.

    Here is an easy one though.. and I am not sure if it applies to your hand or not. How were you even in the hand with Q7? Please tell me it was your blind.. or did you limp in with junk just hoping to get lucky? Situations like those get you in trouble in poker ALL THE TIME. Weak ass kickers. This is why the small blind and big blind are so much trouble.

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    1. Waffles, I'm going to give you a pass because you got the weight of the world on your shoulders, for which by the way you have my sympathy, but I will just point out that in my little tale I already mentioned a) that I was the BB and the hand was unraised, so I checked my hand without putting any more money in; and b)this guy had a history of staying in with second pair and draws and did not impress me at all with his play.

      To whatever extent I have tells on Josie is because I've played cards with her for over a decade. I played perhaps twenty hands with this guy and my file on him was just a tad smaller. I had to make a decision based on the meager data I had, and - especially when he checked the flop - I didn't think he had it.

      Further, call me a bad player if you will but I would not fold quads, unless somehow I physically saw my opponent's hand. At some point, you puts your money in and if he has a better hand you tip your cap and reload - or in this case bow out of the tournament.

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    2. See that is the attitude I hate in poker. "I would never do X, I would never do Y". I am not calling you a bad player.. I actually think you have improved your game a lot and have become much better. I am just trying to open your eyes to thinking one step higher.

      It is very difficult to get away from quads. Believe me. I was right about the hand and when he showed his rivered quad kings beat my quad queens flopped. So if I was correct in my read then is it a bad fold?

      You hand is also very difficult to get away from. I will give you credit for that. It can also be very difficult to get a read on someone you have not played hands with. I hear you saying something in your comments though, "He was a bad player, he called down with x,y,z all the time".. except the action in this hand went "I check again, he bets out big, like 11K.".. he is obviously not going anywhere here.. he is showing aggression.. he has to either be on a wild bluff (have you seen him bluff this way before?) or have a Queen.. in which case we got kicker problems..

      Anyways I am not trying to say your a bad player or that it is an easy fold. It is a hard fold and takes a lot of discipline and a good read. I am just trying to get you to consider some different things since you asked.

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    3. Well first of all, here's hoping you were playing live someplace that had a bad beat jackpot. But yes, I really think that was not the money play, even though you got it right. I think your opponent's play could look exactly like a full house, if say he had Kx and the x matched the other board card. Or pocket aces - either of which would be more likely than quad K's. And taken together those two options would be far more likely than the KK option. I think that in that instance - my opinion, now - you made the wrong decision that thankfully turned out right for you, as happens so often in poker.

      I know poker is not a game of "never," and I'm not one to bandy that word around indiscriminately, but I think I'll stand by my statement: I would never fold quads, and if I lose, I tip my cap and knock the table.

      Regarding my hand, I put him on an underpair to the Q, or he paired the turn, which if memory serves was a 9, which would get him to bet the way he did, especially insofar as I checked the flop. I was wrong.

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    4. That's the thing.. and I am working on this all the time... if you are good.. I mean really good.. you KNOW what your opponent has. I am not claiming I am that good yet. I think I have the potential to be if I dedicate some time to it. If you KNOW what exact two cards your opponent has .. and you are consistently right.. then you can make HUGE laydowns that normal people can not. Having good reads and gut feelings that are right and trusting those reads really helps out in poker.

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  6. Not going to say you made a bad play but when he bet the 11K when the 5 hit one has to think you are behind to a better kicker. Since he limped you have to figure he had a less than premium hand but one he thought worth playing and since he bet the turn on a blank you have to give him figure him for the queen and a slowplay on the flop and unless he likes playing any suited paint a card to play with a Q is definitely higher than your 7. Tough to get away from, yes. Impossible, no.

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    1. Wolf, I think I was wrong at first, I think the turn was a 9. Either way, though, you have a point.

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    2. I'm going by your read on the guy as a mediocre player. I mean he might have limped with a weak ace and paired his small cards but from your description his betting out big is a dead giveaway. If he was playing as you said he was I would figure he would either ride along with a check with anything less than the Q or at most put in a minor bet so he wouldn't get clobbered if you were trapping. IOW he wasn't riding along with second best here, he was taking a lead and a major one at that which from your description of him was a sure sign of a hand. Ad what the hell were you doing checking that flop and turn. Flop I'll give you even tho there was only one guy in the hand but people figuring they are being tricky by slow playing trips on the flop like that is so common I prefer to bet out because then most people don't believe you have the third card, they usually gigure you paired the odd one and are trying to take it down. Slowplaying a flopped set is one thing but her bet that flop, you'll get a better pot. If you don't get called it's because no one has anything any way. But OK checking the flop flop but you have to throw out some kind of a feeler bet on the turn at least just to know whether your Q is good. A half or just below bet is good in a situation like this. It being heads up there's a good chance you get raised as it's the turn and then you have to gigure on a better Q and can get away. If he calls it means he's being tricky or paired one of the lower cards and is playing according to your read but you've controlled the size of the pot which means you can still throw out a smallish bet on the river and then react to his play. A call and you have probably won, a raise and you are beat. It sounds like throwing chips away but some times you need to risk some chips to keep from losing a lot more chips.

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    3. Wolfie! Wolfie! Stand down. Two things: First of all, I said you have a point. Secondly, paragraphs, man...use paragraphs!

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  7. Hey, just trying to get some pointers thru to you so you can trounce Joe C in your nest game

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    1. That would never ever happen baby! But good on you for trying to help the poor sod.

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    2. Hey - I'm not saying she doesn't have my fucking number - she does - and she beats my sorry ass seven times out of ten, but there's still those other three times. Instead of "never ever," say rather "not often."

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  8. Gary - it was fun reading about myself. I am my favorite subject, after all. Yes, I was a bit immature in my reaction. I was as much pissed at myself as at the guy who won the hand. He didn't bet on the river, just checked. His bet, on air (a flush draw, semi-bluff, if you will), was on the turn. I did raise the flop and the original bettor folded. This guy called on a flush draw.

    Q7 over QT is a crusher. More common for that to occur with Omaha, not so much NLHE. Of course you couldn't get away from that hand.

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  9. Cranks, believe me, no one is calling your reaction immature. If THAT is the bellwether of immaturity, I must be 8.

    I did, as always, enjoy spending time with you, and breaking bread. We should do this more often. Like maybe 7 months from now when I feel like the poker gods are through roughing me up.

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  10. Gary - I had fun with you guys, too. I'll be at Foxwoods frequently ...

    Last Saturday was the first day of an experiment where I'm going to Foxwoods every Saturday. I want to see if I can stick just to poker and net a little dough overall. Last week was a fail because I ended up playing craps. Oh, and I'm not thrilled with my poker play -- in too many hands with crappy cards. Need to tighten up.

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