A Change of Mind

I made mention of this on the Eff Bee, so I'll apologize in advance for those who have seen the germ of this post as a status a few days ago, but I thought I'd bring it here and discuss it in a bit more depth, because God knows, if there's a human being alive who is more in love with the sound of his own voice than I, I have yet to meet or even hear of him.

I have had a bit of a change of heart regarding something pretty fundamental. Long-time readers to this little chucklefest will have heard me lamenting the ticking clock, and my inexorable descent into old age, many more times than once. From the first creak of the knee, the first blurry line of text, I have complained about it, loudly and often.

But that's all done, I suspect. Because, quite suddenly and unexpectedly, I have had what alcoholics refer to as a moment of clarity.

I'm all done bitching about getting old. Because I've stumbled upon a great truth that had evaded me all my life: The opposite of old is not young. The opposite of old is DEAD. Not only is there nothing wrong with getting old, it's something that one should aspire to.

This epiphany was particularly well-timed.

I recently went to my doctor to check in with him, to get some blood drawn, and to have him cup my testicles - he's got such a gentle touch, after all. What I discovered was that while my weight was down, and my blood pressure was being well-managed, but my blood sugar was up, my cholesterol was up, and I got a benign talking-to about things, and how they could be made better. And everything just kind of clicked.

I have a difficult time with statins - they make my legs stiff and tired, and Ol' Strokey doesn't need any more help making his legs feel bad. So I had, in the past, stopped taking them. Now, I started a much slower process of acclimating my body to them, taking a half-pill every other day, then a half-pill two days out of three. I'm currently up to a half-pill every day, and I hope to titrate my dosage up to a full pill every day soon.

I've also taken a more serious approach to controlling my diabetes. Heretofore I had considered laying off the Boston Creme donuts to be the alpha and the omega of diabetes control. Now, though I can always do more, I'm staying away from the worst things for me: processed flour, white rice, anything that has a high glycemic index.

I'm doing all these things, and more, because I've come to realize something, a completely self-evident truth that a few weeks ago would have been a preposterous thought:

I would very much like to be old.

Thanks for listening. Go see a doctor if you haven't recently.